Eternal panic response
would donations of money be helpful to you / something that you're comfortable accepting?

girlkisser2k14:

this would be immensely helpful honestly, there’s a donate button on my blog, but only do this if you feel comfortable doing so and it won’t take anything you need. we’ve been basically out of food for a week now (right now we’ve got some dry pasta and some peanut butter layng around and not much else, no veggies no meat) but we’re managing to scrape by

If you have any money at all, please help out someone who’s in a very very vulnerable situation wrt her abuser.

girlkisser2k14:

monetizeyourcat:

Read More

EDIT 9/1/2014: cat has blanked her blog and thus the original readmore is unreadable. i’m going to insert an image of it here.

image

i’m going to address this one point at a time and this is the last thing i have to say about this because i am tired of you telling lies and half-truths to paint me as some kind of fucking monster.

1. i never manipulated you. i never did anything. the context of our relationship was originally a friendship; we became friends in about mid-2014 when i was 18 years old. i invited you to a group chat shortly after that consisted of me and a few trans girl friends.

2. the way you told me you liked me was back in january/february you called me on skype dead on your ass drunk while i was going through a suicide crisis and told me that i couldn’t leave you and i couldn’t DO THIS TO YOU because you LOVED me so much. i spent the next 1-2 hours in a call with you trying to calm you down and in the middle of that went and fucking threw up so the pills i took wouldn’t kill me. the context there is you were telling a 19 year old girl who had recently started her transition that you were in love with her and she coudln’t leave you, while you, someone almost ten years older, were fucking drunk on everclear.

3. the relationship became sexual when you started fucking flirting with me. i was never, ever, ever even REMOTELY sexual interested in you because i’m not attracted to you! because i was scared of you! because the way you behaved in group chats was frightening!

4. i fucking resent so hard you turning our sexual relationship into “i was so uncomfortable with fucking this 19 year old” when literally you’re the one who did it. the first time we met we had a fucking threesome within two hours; you asked to cuddle me and then you and your girlfriend started groping me and kissing me and taking my clothes off. that is exactly what fucking happened and i don’t know how the fuck you’re going to dispute that when i could just ask her myself. (not to mention the weird shit you did when you wanted to fuck me! but hey let’s not talk about that since apparently you “remember it differently” and i guess that means it’s unfair of me to bring up how you fucking me reminded me of the time i was raped at 9 years old!)

5. i came to other people because you fucking scared me and i wanted confirmation that i wasn’t being crazy; i wanted confirmation from others that i wasn’t making up everything about you and that i had good reasons to be scared. funnily enough, several of these people thought similar things!! who fucking knew! there’s a fucking REASON when we remade the group chat we DIDN’T INVITE YOU UNTIL YOU MADE A BIG FUCKING FUSS ABOUT IT; WE ARE SCARED OF YOU AND THE WAY YOU TALK AND OPERATE AND HAVE BEEN FOR MONTHS

6. i came up to visit you in portland after you screamed for hours at my friends who were housing me in california and hten ORDERED them to not tell me about it. i found out about it anyway and found out how scared they were of you and the way you told them that i wasn’t allowed to know things! you screamed at them because i spent too much money while in their care and then told them you were moving me to portland all while not telling me!

7. you told me i was “visiting” portland. you didn’t tell me i was moving there. you didn’t tell me i was moving in with you. you didn’t tell me i was going to be the SECOND homeless girl moving into your 2-bedroom apartment for a total of 4 people on no furniture. you told everyone EXCEPT For me, deliberately, because you knew i’d be uncomfortable with it. because i was! after i came up to visit you you kept talking to me about “settling down” and “getting my things set up here” and i was confused! incredibly confused! i didn’t find out you intended for me to fucking move in with you until i was already on the train up to visit talking to friends on skype. i had no fucking clue what was happening because YOU TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO TELL ME; YOU UNDERMINED MY AGENCY AND TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO BE YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND

8. i finally became okay with moving in with you; i had a crush on your spouse, with which you didn’t really have a relationship! you were on the verge of being separated and were staying in seperate rooms. i asked you permission to hang out with her because i felt that would be polite; you gave it, happily. i asked your permission to become intimate with her and you gave it, in much the same fashion. i later found out she asked you if she could be intimate with me, and you approved it. about a week into my stay with you she and i became intimate, you walked in on it, and got extremely upset. at one point we locked the door so you wouldn’t walk in on us and you became physically and verbally violent. i started making plans to leave and you had to fucking walk out and almost drag me back in because you didn’t want me gone. we never fucking asked you to move out or even IMPLIED it. i started sleeping in sam’s room because your violence and anger made me uncomfortable and scared, and you took that as me somehow fucking blacklisting you or intentionally trying to hurt you. we didn’t fucking force you to move out; you went to seattle to hang out with your girlfriend and while over there messaged us over skype letting us know that you were getting a divorce and moving out. we didn’t do SHIT in that department, that was entirely. fucking. you.

9. i literally never claimed anyone was a teenager other than myself idk where the fuck this is coming from but hey! your targets of abuse and manipulation just so happen to be young trans kids in their late teens/early 20s so What Do I Know

10. oh boy. the greatest cover up ever; lie and then say “i’m going to get accused of lying”, how completely fucking undone and how unheard of as a tactic of abuse!

you moved me into your house under false pretenses, treated me with violence and subjected me to a stressful and disgusting home environment, and then fucking moved out when you got mad at me friendzoning you. that’s what fucking happened you absolute child

Women sometimes ask me: “But what if a man I am dating really was victimized by his former girlfriend? How can I tell the difference?” Here are some things to watch out for:

1. If you listen carefully, you often can hear the difference between anger toward an ex-partner, which would not be worrisome in itself, and disrespect or contempt, which should raise warning flags. A man who has left a relationship with bitterness should be nonetheless be able to talk about his ex-partner as a human being, with some understanding of what her side of the conflicts was and some ways he may have contributed to what went wrong. If he speaks in degrading or superior ways about her, or makes everything that went wrong in the relationship her fault, be careful, because it is likely that he was the abusive one.

2. Try to get him to talk about his own conduct in the relationship, especially around the time of the breakup. If he blames his own behavior on her, that’s a bad sign.

3. Be particularly careful with a man who claims to have been the victim of physical violence by a previous family partner. The great majority of men who make such claims are physical abusers. Ask him for as much detail as you can about the violent incidents, and then try to talk to her or seek out anyone else who could give you a different perspective on what happened. Watch for warning signs of abusiveness (see Chapter 5).

4. Pay attention to how he talks and thinks about abused women. A genuine male victim tends to feel sympathy for abused women and support their cause. The Victim, on the other hand, often says that women exaggerate or fabricate their claims of abuse or insists that men are abused just as much as women are.

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (via misandry-mermaid)

feminally:

yourscientistfriend:

Labor Day 2014
In Ferguson
Credit to the young man that I listed above.

Labor Day in Ferguson.

smallrevolutionary:

kyssthis16:

dealwithitfool:

militarytrade:

full-cabs:

this cant be real bruh

I can’t breathe

I love him so much

I can’t today.

u know nick cannon is sick

I like to kid myself that one day people will love & cherish my messages that I write when signing my books, despite my signature being so utterly disappointing

I like to kid myself that one day people will love & cherish my messages that I write when signing my books, despite my signature being so utterly disappointing

Ok my handwriting sucks and I got self conscious about my perfect spelling of ‘Maschinen’ and so took out and then put back the ‘e’.

Idk if anyone can even read that, my handwriting is p bad even when I’m trying to be neat

Ok my handwriting sucks and I got self conscious about my perfect spelling of ‘Maschinen’ and so took out and then put back the ‘e’.

Idk if anyone can even read that, my handwriting is p bad even when I’m trying to be neat