ugh some of the stuff being said to people on my dash is so creepy and gross. I’m trash talking BDSM below the cut. Feel free to reblog and stuff, but if you want to argue/discuss this with me I’m not going to engage unless you’re really fucking super sensitive to my reality as a person whose entire sexual history was dominated by rape and abuse from childhood up until like two years ago, ok?
hmm… not sure how i feel about this…
this isn’t necessarily a response to the person who made this post but I feel… awkward a lot about my place in survivor spaces and even social justice spaces as a ~kinkster~, especially as a (sometimes) sexual ageplayer and someone who… uhhh… actually does feel ‘healed’ to an extent by re-enacting abuse (and… for whatever reason my sexuality seems inextricably tied to abuse and I cannot seem to remove that).
I know most of the time these things are aimed at men, men who benefit from misogyny and the patriarchy and you know… all that stuff. But still.
IDK how to type this without making it come off like I’m trying to guilt people into making me feel ‘ok’ about my interests. Like. I’ve accepted who I am and what I like and why and that I’m probably ‘stuck’ this way/other fucked up ways for life. But my response to being ‘kinkshamed’ is always a guilty nod and shame and ‘yeah… I’m fucked up’.
I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily ~empowering~ to acknowledge these shitty kinks, more that telling myself I’m scum all the time for them and ‘just as bad’ as my abusers… has not done good things for me so now I choose to be around people who can ‘get it’ and understand these things come from a place of horrific trauma.
Jus’ some personal thoughts.
You’re not scum or just as bad. (Nobody is “just as bad”; if you’re an abuser you get your own category and nobody is “as bad as” you. You’re scum that other scum doesn’t come near.) This post isn’t about survivors doing stuff at all, it’s literally just about the… I guess sexual enjoyment of sexualised abuse, from the position of the abuser, which gets ~a pass~ when it’s called kinky.
& like I’m not going to talk about the ways that survivors do abuseplay or whatever, because that is soooooo different and comes from such a different place & like, yeah, I’m not going to pretend that for me it wasn’t incredibly damaging no matter how healed I felt at the time (& I did at the time) b/c it was! Super damaging! I literally ended up in positions where I would describe myself being raped as a child and men would jerk off to it, and that’s just… ugh…
but I guess I’m coming at it like this: I get where myself, as an abused person, was coming from. When I said to men “I want you to [enact (x) violent thing against me] I know what I was doing with that. But I do not trust why they said ‘yes’, why they got off to it, why enacting those things was exciting for them. One of my exs asked me once if I would do that for her. She begged me to enact her rape. I can’t even think about pretending to do that to another person without feeling sick and terrified. Why did it make them excited?